So the move…I can’t even think of where to begin…
So I barely slept, I think I got about two hours sleep before waking up at 5 only to start packing again since I didn’t finish it the night before. I think, in hindsight, this process would have been somewhat easier on my own, but at the same time, I’m glad I had my sister with me for the trip.
So, to start with, the journey that was supposed to take 8 hours took us nearly 12 hours! the campus that I’m living at is surprisingly in the middle of nowhere, or so it seems, and directions to it are pretty crap to say the least. I think by the end of the trip everyone was pretty antsy and just wanted to sleep. I don’t really want to think about the negatives since the move was supposed to be special but, I’ve learnt now never get your hopes up because it’s surprisingly easy to ruin a good moment.
On that note however, I want to mention that the move was made a lot easier by taking people with me, especially since my sister came. Although it probably would have been more efficient if I could drive and had done it on my own, I imagine I wouldn’t have been as calm if I had moved on my own.
The scenery up to the university is gorgeous, and even though we got stuck in traffic for about an hour, the scenery made it a bit more manageable and enjoyable. I did spot some pretty lakes and streams close to the campus so I might go for a walk to one soon and take some photos to share with you. I’ve always wanted to have a picnic by a lake or stream so I might take some food to eat there and enjoy some peace and quiet .
A lot of people that I know have voiced their praise over the move and their excitement on my behalf, especially considering the opportunities this will bring for me. But at the same time, while I hear these things, a lot of the situations and praises they bring up are my own personal anxieties. Living with people, anxious. Big campus, will get lost. Great lessons, more chances to make a fool of myself. Even though this process and move should be bringing me confidence I can only feel that there are more things to be anxious about now. I’m hoping in time I will adapt well like I have done with all of my other moves, however, I didn’t really prepare myself for anything so, I really am going to have to adapt quickly if I don’t want to cause myself more mental problems.
So onto present times. Today was my first day on campus! I slept so well in my new double bed (I’ve been in a kids 3/4 bunk bed for the last year and a bit) so it was a welcome change but felt surprisingly lonely and alien to what I’m used to. I spent the evening listening to music and reading a book and was asleep for 10:30 which is so unusual for me. I’m still getting used to having dorm mates, we share a kitchen so it’s difficult to decide how much I can buy for food since we have limited space. I’m weary, I hate cooking and eating around people and I hate disrupting them when they’re together in the kitchen so I’ve found myself sneaking into the kitchen when they’re all out to get a drink. Anxiety is a serious downfall in this situation. But I’ve met a couple of people and they seem nice enough and I hope I will have more chances to talk to them without being too uncomfortable.
Surprisingly enough my final moments with my sister weren’t as emotional as I thought they’d be, she was pretty emotional but for some reason I felt I wasn’t allowed to be sad. I know if there’s anyone to prove anything to it’s her, I couldn’t let her think I was sad or that I wouldn’t be able to cope…if she left worrying about me I would be the only one to blame for not easing her mind before she left. I think the move was a big thing for both of us, we’ve never really been apart from each other for long and we’ve been living with each other and been practically inseparable for the past year so it only felt right to not part like we were leaving each other but to leave thinking ‘this is a new chapter and everything will be OK and we’ll see each other again soon’ It may have been wrong of me to not let myself get emotional, I didn’t want her to think I didn’t care about her or love her, but I couldn’t let her leave worrying and regretting.
Be happy, healthy and hopeful