It has been a long night…
Last night after my anxiety issues over my self-confidence problems I was up until late working out. I managed to find a good work-out plan that I hope will help on top of the large amount of walking I intend to do. I don’t want to give the impression that weight is a bad thing or anything like that, not at all, but my aim is not to be thin or slim or under weight, it is to be toned and healthy and fit for my own piece of mind and because fitness is important in my line of work. I want to stress that weight is perfectly fine, you should not feel pressured in any way to lose weight to be thin. As long as you are comfortable in your own skin and with your own body that should always be enough. Whether you are happy or suffer from mental illnesses or healthy or living with illnesses, your priorities should never be to be thin, it should be to be the happiest and healthiest that you can be and to live your life as you want to live it.
So, moving on from my body-confidence problems today has been pretty exciting. I had a 8am start and met up with two friends as we went to get our lab coats. The process itself wasn’t too bad but choosing a size did make me surprisingly aware of my weight (I blame my chest size…it fit everywhere else) and it was quite fun trying them on, it feels so official now. I’m a scientist! We ended up talking outside for a good two hours after that and since the rain decided to stop and the sun came out it was perfect weather for chatting and standing around in the sun. I nearly forgot how much I enjoyed the sun and scenery.
I went into town as well! So too some this may seem pretty normal and such but for me it was a big deal. I walked from the campus on a path surrounded by trees to a bus stop, it was a route I had never taken before and I don’t think I’ve ever been so anxious before. I met up with Steph (a friend from university) and some of her friends at the bus stop which was nice but the larger group did make me weary and I did need a bit of encouragement before I started to open up. I think she’s starting to get an idea for my personality and anxieties because she has been really protective and gentle and has been extremely encouraging. It was great fun, our other friend, Stacy, that has lived in town for a year already showed us around before we went shopping for wet suits. After shopping we went bar-hopping to some popular spots and it was so much fun! I never thought I would enjoy anything like that since back at home I hated bars. The guys were great that we went with and I felt surprisingly confident and comfortable. Another lady that walked with us for a while left early and when one of the quieter guys went to leave he was very charming and even called me adorable which I really appreciated and I felt ready to try more things and stay out for a while longer even though the socializing was beginning to make me tired and slightly worn-down.
I also had my first shot of vodka, I’m not one for drinking and since I have kayaking I really didn’t want to drink too much but we all had a shot each and I don’t think I have ever laughed and blushed as much as I did today. I’m so happy that it was a great day and I had so much fun and feel like I did well.