Tired But Content

29/09/2016

Today has been so tiring in so many ways. So we spent three hours at the beach for a practical lecture. I’m so thankful and happy that we get to spend so much time in gorgeous areas both by the sea and by river and lakes that I feel really bad for feeling so worn down by it. We did a species collection lesson at a beach close to campus but I feel like I could have been more excited and positive about it. I have a lot of weird fears and anxieties that for a lot of people might seem stupid and irrelevant that actually stop me from enjoying a lot of things even on the beach. I’m extremely lucky to have found such amazing friends as I have this year and I hope through the year we’ll continue to be good friends and with their help I’ll be able to improve myself even more.

The ocean was gorgeous and while the tide was out it was the perfect weather to just search through the rock pools and enjoy the sun since it was neither too cold, too or hot or particularly windy so it gave us a good chance to catch a bit of tan and comfortably work. We found a bunch of awesome animals ranging from starfish to jellyfish, crabs and fish, I’ve never really seen these animals in the wild since I rarely go to the beach so for me it was a great personal experience as well as an academic one. If you’re interested on more posts about my actual animal work please leave a comment so I know you’re interested and I’ll post some more information and posts on our animal-based adventures.

So…I wanted to be positive in the post but I did find a few things difficult. Rock-pooling was hard for me, I don’t know why but I had a panic attack because I couldn’t go over the rock pools without slipping. I hate the feeling of people possibly watching or judging me and the fact that recently my balance has been awful made me incredibly anxious. On top of that, jumping off of walls, even small ones has been a huge problem since most beaches have small stone walls around them. I don’t know whether it’s because I feel like because of my height I wouldn’t be able to get up them or whether it’s the idea that I could injure myself or if again it’s the thought of people watching me but it’s a big issue that I’ve been finding myself in quite a lot recently. I want to visit beaches more often now to try and get over this fear and I’ll do my best to improve my confidence so I can work hard in practical lessons without feeling like I’m missing out because I’m worried about these things.

Also on a better note, me and a couple of friends found my laundromat! So I now know where do go and how to use them and I feel much more prepared. I actually can’t wait to do my first load of washing, it has been a while since I’ve done my own washing (since most of the time clothes washing day was when I was at school or college) so I can’t wait to feel productive and functional after a rough week.

On another good note, I think my fear of using our shared kitchen is slowly ebbing away. I’m not checking if there are people in it before I go in and I’ve cooked, washed dishes and made a hot drink while others have been in the room! It may not seem like much but I consider this a huge improvement and I’m pretty happy with how the last couple of days have been.

Be happy, healthy and hopeful
~AJ

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