Sorry for the delay every, university has been keeping me crazily busy and I’ve pulled some muscles in both of my legs so I’ve been trying to rest this weekend. So, a quick update. These past couple of weeks have been hard, my anxiety came back full force last week so I had to take some time off to get myself together. Then my PTSD flared so I was pretty much bed-bound for a few days and then my eating subsided so basically the last two weeks have been me fighting off my demons again. But don’t worry, I won this time!
I always worry when I have time off of posting, these blogs are as much for myself as they are for you guys. Being able to look back on my adventures, difficulties and the lessons I have learnt help me to focus and focus myself so when I have time off from writing I worry that I will forget about things that I should be posting or lessons that I have been learning or even that I forget about the adventures I’ve been on and forget to recreate them here. But at the same time I worry that with my influxes in mental instability recently that maybe you wouldn’t read it either way, I know most of you are here for the adventures or the university updates and I’m sure for a lot of you my posts on my health have no real concern to you, but I feel like I should post about it, I post about the rest of my life so why shouldn’t I be as open about these things. A lot of people suffer from mental illnesses, and I think reading about someone who also has them, hearing their struggles to overcome them and their stories of its effects is really a life lesson in itself. I moved nearly 400 miles away from home to a part of the country I have never been before, I started university, I am overcoming these things for the first time like many of you might one day, I want to show people, especially people struggling with mental illnesses like I do that it is possible to get better, it is possible to live a better life even while struggling. This isn’t easy for me, but I think that’s what makes these posts so real. Positivity is important in life, especially in times where you struggle. Even if you feel like you can’t go on, if you feel like it’s not worth it, if things get too hard, keep positive because things are always changing and without a doubt you’ll adapt, give yourself some time and it’ll get easier, you’ll get better at managing yourself and before long you’ll wonder why you ever worried. Things are never as bad as you first think, that’s one thing I’ve learnt while I’ve been here.
So other than my self-revelation what else have I been up to? I went on my first Marine Biology practical session where we toured an estuary on a boat! It was great fun and we caught some plankton which may not sound like much but being with my classmates and being able to enjoy the sun and sea was an experience all in itself. I did get soaked and cold though so by the end of the two hour session I got pretty cold and miserable but some people from my group did kindly offer me their jackets which made me feel both pathetic since they were all worrying about me like I was a kid but at the same time they didn’t seem to hate me or avoid me during the trip so I felt a bit more comfortable talking to them afterwards. The day before that we went on a hike to a cove a bit of a drive from my university called The Lizard. The view was gorgeous and we did some sample collecting of native plants and bird watched for a bit but me being the klutz that I am ended up in first aid after I trapped my finger in a stone wall during the hike.Only me.But the first aid guys were nice and didn’t laugh at me too much, thankfully it was all in good fun. Now, one thing that triggered my foul mood after this was realizing that I’m so out of shape! The entire hike was on a cliff edge so every slope you went down was rocky, slippery and at a stupid angle that made your calves ache instantly. Trying to keep up with the group and keep my footing (since I have the balance of newborn Bambi on ice) I felt so stupid and embarrassed. But, no-one judged me, in fact people tried to help by slowing down to walk with me or helping me around the rocky steps leading back to our buses so, like I said, it really wasn’t as bad as I thought and I’m slowly learning that people aren’t as mean as I think they’re going to be. I hope in time I will be comfortable enough to start talking to people properly since I’m still only really spending time with my three Bioscience friends.
Yesterday we did our first genetics practical in the labs, I hate genetics with a passion, I don’t get any of the taught modules and the lessons feel like they could kill me from both confusion and boredom but I hope once I start re-reading the presentations or find better resources that I will begin to understand it more. The practical was on genetic coding which although it was baffling it was fun and interesting to see how evolution and mutations cause changes in the DNA.
Anyway, so that’s pretty much the past couple of weeks up to date, my life currently just consists of lectures and reading marine biology books until I can get into some form of schedule to balance my time better.
I hope you have all been well and I promise I will try to get better with regular updates.
Be happy, healthy and hopeful